"You can come as you are..but you'll pay as you go.."
That's making so much sense to me right now.
Am currently in a double blind.
I keep seeing these airy visions of home,
but sidestepped by current situation of dual hopelessness.
And while going back would help mentally,
it would ruin the physical stasis I've maintained.
I'd miss the familiarity/comfort of my true friends
and the security of one's own 'home'..
I'd fully lose all the goodness that mattered
in this dark situation.
I sometimes hate me when I have to do battle with myself.
And so, I've shut it off for now.
Hoping my brainwave patterns soon resume a normal flow
before I can hope to continue weighing the bullshit
(pros/cons, cause/effect).
Why is that when I'm gone for too long...the rain must fall.
Too many whys in my life.
*Synth part is looping in my mindscape.*
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