Monday, September 7, 2009

Balderdash: Lost Episodes: #1
"Music's Misfits & Has-Beens" Edition

Starring:



Moby



Tori Amos




Neil Sedaka



Pat Benatar



&

Wayne Newton



Shot on Location at Rose Petal Studios
Recorded Live in front of a studio audience
Discovered on August 1st 2009

Well well, here we are again, huh? Miss us? Well, we've missed you! Welcome to a very special "Lost" episode of Balderdash! We were all very saddened when the show came to a sudden end--and wondered if there were any extra eps in the vault-- It just so happens that there are several of these missing tapes that have resurfaced. And so, much to our(and yours) delight, we will be periodically airing theses..but be warned. They are not your average episode of Balderdash...quite the contrary.. These will filmed with the intention of being "fill-in spots" for after the 3am infomercials... -- The guests we selected for these are widely known to be sure, but not your usual Tom, Dick & Harry's....



With this in mind.....


Let's bring it out!



1. Movies- "Nightlife of the Gods"


*M: A scientist creates a ray gun that turns people in to ancient greek gods and goddesses.

WN: Alicia Bridges, famed singer of 70's Disco hit "I Love The Nightlife" is shot to death by serial killer, NY Zeus.

PB: An unsuccessful installment in a series of Bob Hope movies. In this one, Bob finds love in the jungles of Korea.

NS: A teen coming of age story about a group of friends seeking salvation in the frat houses of their university.

TA: Four college boys spend the night in Vegas.


2. Names: "Joseph Cayetty"

NS: Founder of the failed company 'Confettivette' that offered rides in a corvette filled with confetti.

*TA: Invented toilet paper in 1857.

PB: Heir to the Hershey Chocolate Company fortune, shot dead in 1982.

WN: Big brother of Edward "Eddie" Spaghetti, champion of the Pensacola Pie Eating Contest in 1993.

M: Got the world record for going the furthest distance on a pogo stick while under water.


3: Abbreviations: "L.P.A."

*PB: Little People of America
*TA: Little People of America (Yeah, they both got it right.. A first on this show!)
NS: Loose Pants Alliance (Note from Neil: "They dig it when it hangs.")
WN: Left-Handed People's Association (Which would be cool..)
M: Large People Anonymous (Also cool.)


4. Laws: "In Baldwin Park, CA, it is illegal to ride a..."

WN: ... Baldwin brother's back without first seeing his most recent work.

PB: ... a unicycle dressed as a clown. (Would definitely agree on that.)

*M: ... bicycle into a swimming pool.

NS: .... ostrich while intoxicated. (Why the hell not?)

TA: ... skateboard while eating an ice cream cone.


5. Movies: "The Missing Guest"

NS: Two boys check into a hotel on a dark, stormy night. Only one checks out.

TA: A mystery about a woman who "finds" her fiance after he has been missing for 56 years.

PB: A man wreaks havoc on unsuspecting hotel guests when he finds a magical cloak of invisibility.

*WN: "Scoop" the reporter spends the night in an old haunted house pretending to be a psychic.


6. Laws: "In Cleveland, OH, it is unlawful to ride.."

PB: ... a wagon down Main Street if Congress is in session.

*NS: ... a bicycle with "no hands".

WN: ... in Ricardo Montalban's Lincoln Continental town car without permission from his estate.

TA: ... a horse down Main Street without a permit.

M: ... bare back on your neighbor's cow.


7. Names: "Kokichi Mikimoto"

NS: Author and original artist of the One Piece manga series.

M: Drew up plans for a tunnel that would connect Hong Kong to Japan.

TA: Famous Japanese hairdresser.

*PB: Japanese noodle vendor who created cultured pearls.

WN: Japanese counterpart of Mickey Mouse.


8. Names: "Gareth Needham"

*NS: Sells glass paperweights that have rhino dung in them.

PB: Jewish rabbi who led a movement resulting in over a million non-kosher Jews in 3 months.

WN: Winner of the most consecutive accurate hocks into a spitoon in 1874.

M: Founder of Colgate in 1952.

TA: Got the World Record for stuffing 54 Oreos in his mouth.


9. Names: "Pedro Guattero"

*TA: He was famous for rolling a watermelon for 220 miles through Mexico.

PB: Major League Baseball player that sued the league (and won) after his coach stole his chewing tobacco.

NS: Panamanian freedom fighter who died of yellow fever after protesting construction of the Panama Canal.

WN: Former Home Shopping Network employee who sold trade secrets to Government spies.

M: As the third President of Mexico, his face is imprinted on the 5 peso coin.


10. Names: "Steve Roberts"

*WN: Invented a computer equipped bicycle that sounds an alarm shouting "I'm a bicycle, I'm being stolen!" when ridden by a stranger.

PB: Killed the Prime Minister of India with a blowdart gun while on safari in 1794.

TA: Invented microchips in 1968.

M: Founded H.A.B.A. (Hot Air Balloons of America) in 1883. Ironically, he died when he collided with another aeronaut in 1884.

NS: Winner of "The Most Average Man In America" contest.


And that dear friends is the end of the first episode of our 'lost' Balderdash series! We hope that you have enjoyed it as much as we, and that you continue to tune in for these rare gems. Have a good night....

But...before we go...


Maybe a... BONUS GAME !




10. Movies: "C.O.D."

TA: Movie about Pirates of the South Pacific.

*WN: Two guys try to save their careers from going bust by coming up with an ad campaign for a bra company (Isn't that the lamest thing ever?)

M: A Big Brother group starts a program with disabled children called "Count Our Destinies" in which the volunteers help the children obtain their greatest desires.

PB: It's adventure on the High Seas when bumbling pirates must attempt to retrieve their treasure map from a hungry and spiteful fish.

NS: A documentary following a fresh fish delivery company, Cod-On-Delivery.









The stars were:

Moby: C4
Tori Amos: C2
Neil Sedaka: Dick
Pat Benatar: Whoville
Wayne Newton: Jimmy

4 comments:

Lyndsie said...

That is one sexy picture of Wayne Newton! Meow!

Joshua said...

He might have had some work done, what do you think? ;)

Lyndsie said...

Do you think he's trying to look like Regis?

Joshua said...

Not sure... I'm finding more and more that these old geezer celebs that are having plastic surgery start particularly looking asian around the eyes.. Sneak a peak at Joan Rivers-- and stupid Kenny Rogers too..

And now poor Wayne.. but he's still cool.