The dreams lately are messing with my head... just these bizarre ones that keep you up at night and you can't quite figure out..
..and I keep wondering if I should go home..would it be permanent? I can't find a job out there, and I can't find a decent one out here..
Where the hell do I belong?
Worse yet, I keep saying the wrong things to the wrong people, and making them mad/upset at me.
If you're reading this, I'm sorry.
The trouble with leaving a place you're familiar with is leaving the people you care about most-- That's been a constant for the last 3 years.. and it won't change, no matter where I go.
I really wish I could just stop effing up, and figure out my place in the world already. It's getting old.
The one thing I do know is that I should visit Jersey soon-- and can probably make that happen.
Really wish I had a good line of funds and just travel the states..figure out where I belong.. That would really help alot.
But..
The idea that I might have to bum around for a bit terrifies me. I've never been without a home, and the idea that I'll be out in the cold trying to understand myself is creepy. Would much prefer knowing that I'd have a job when I arrive wherever I do.
I love my friends here. I love my parents/relatives back there.
I keep missing them both so much when I leave.
Finding one's place in the world is just so damn hard.
And having a headache doesn't help either.
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